shoeless
Groombridge Directorate
Posts: 78 
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Post by shoeless on Dec 2, 2021 21:47:32 GMT -4
Breaking news from Castle Jankenstein! Reports show that the Kristan Dominion has made AGGRESSIVE moves against a neutral, innocent nation: The Empire of Jank itself! Claiming to be undertaking a mission of mercy, its heavily armed warships strut through the national waters of the Jankensteinian Empire, causing all loyal and patriotic children to cry. Do you hear that, people of the Dominion? You're making orphans cry. How do you live with yourselves knowing that your leaders are causing this?
For weeks now, the valiant crew of Rayo One (animated series and film trilogy currently in the works) has tracked the HMS Chelsea as her crew sailed aggressively and violently through the calm, innocent waters off the shore of EoJ territory. Despite repeated warnings to leave the area, no doubt ignored with claims of the comunique was not understandable due to static, the vile ship remains. And in what can only be seen as a brazen act of defiance of the will of the people of the Empire, the ship has now stopped! Claims of a boiler explosion forcing the vessel to halt its advance are absurd, as the ship has done little more than move in a straight line. A menacing straight line!!! How such simplistic maneuvers could cause this kind of damage are beyond this loyal and accredited reporter. Such a claim is farcical in the extreme, no doubt merely an excuse to attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of the international community. Do not be fooled! This is intentional, the Kristan Dominion making a show of force and ignoring the borders and territory of sovereign nations.
The Jankensteinian people cry out for justice, and already forces are on the move to secure national waters from this aggressive foreign threat. If the unfortunate people living under the yoke of Dominion government truly believe in the creed the Dominion espouses, Doctor Jankenstein himself has this to say:
"Good people! Demand that your government pay restitution for this terrible power play. That they seek peaceful, financial means of ending this sorry situation, this tempestuous tragedy, this macabre malpractice. We seek not war, but merely a sign of goodwill and reasonable recompense, say half the Chelsea's build cost as estimated by an independent team financed by yours truly. Doctor Jankenstein, out!"
There you have it ladies and gentleman, the Glorious Leader himself, a true bastion of brava. The ball is truly in the Kristan Dominion's court now. Will they respond with respect and humility to a peer foreign power, or continue their violent, aggressive measures? The ball is in their court.
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Post by Admin on Dec 3, 2021 0:44:42 GMT -4
ABC News: While the Kristan Dominion, or Kristan Forces command staff have yet to release any official statement in regards to the recent "Empire of Jank" news broadcast, just a little more than a mere 3 hours ago, some private Dominion citizens have taken to the popular holo-network site "Facepalm" and have been "palm-posting" some of their sleuth finds and deconstructing the EoJ broadcast for inconsistencies. One account titled "PlaneSpotter41," and calling themselves a flight enthusiast and hobby photographer had this to say: "Rayo-One? I am surprised that pilot is still alive! Those Odin's Eye series VTOLs are nothing but flying death traps! They have tinfoil seat covers and interior panelling for heavens sake, its a wonder the pilot could have even heard a static filled radio over the sound of his own overworked and duct-taped 30 leaf-blower engines! And valiant? Don't get me started, here is a up-to-date image from a EoJ recruitment video, no less, of another "Rayo" pilot at work foolishly trying to fly his '1-person' VTOL while under orders to use their government issued antique video-cassette recorders and Polaroid cameras for recon purposes. And here we have laws about using hands-free holo-phones while you drive! Those flying coffins are the real threat here! images.unsplash.com/photo-1535786536200-3dd2062ff878?ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxzZWFyY2h8M3x8Y3JlYXRvcnxlbnwwfDF8MHx8&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&w=1000&q=80Another account traced back to a Dominion citizen going by the tag "OldLadyMadalene" and professing to be an avid knitter, bingo player, tea admirer, and retired merchant marine captain for 55 years with two accredited naval engineering degrees, questions if the EoJ even has a single boiler in their state, and asks other users online to "help educate EoJ citizens" as they should be forgiven for not knowing the damage a boiler explosion can cause if the conditions arise. She posts several pictures of the aftermath of boiler explosions she had seen in various ports visited over her long career: www.designboiler.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/boiler-explosion.jpgwww.shipsnostalgia.com/d1/xfmg/thumbnail/257/257138-badb79c00d65b79433b37cfb12eb1157.jpg?1597219609"You don't even need to be underway for one to go off." the retired captain stated. "It could have been something as simple as the unintended introduction of feedwater when the boiler was in a dry-fired state." She went on to praise the Kristan Dominion naval personnel for what must have been quick thinking and an immediate response to the ongoing event as it was highly likely that fatalities could have occurred.
"AngryKaren@D-Shop" simply stated: "...the ship has done little more then move in a straight line." / "...the HMS Chelsea [and] her crew sailed aggressively and violently..." Well which is it? And did their leader just "mic drop" his way out of a news conference? How unprofessional!
Last but not least 6-year old "Timmy" from Mrs. Whitting's Grade 1 class writes in that "the singular of the word 'warship' does not require an 's' and that one destroyer, plus no other destroyers, does not equal 2 or more destroyers. He later asks other online users if Jankensteinian English has exceptions to the "plural" rule for nouns.
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shoeless
Groombridge Directorate
Posts: 78
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Post by shoeless on Dec 3, 2021 3:18:15 GMT -4
Wow, it is truly disheartening to know that this is the state of discussion within the Dominion. To answer Karen, it was a disturbingly menacing straight line. Bullets travel in straight lines, you'd be intimidated if one came at you wouldn't you? Tsk tsk tsk. This reporter would also like to point out that Supreme Leader was not in a news conference but rather giving an official statement. He has far more important matters to attend to than answer questions, of which there would be none as every citizen of the Empire has full trust and faith in his leadership abilities. Of course, none of this refutes the simple fact that Dominion forces have made trespass into Empire of Jank territory. This simple truth cannot be denied.
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Post by iluvnerdystuff on Dec 6, 2021 18:23:33 GMT -4
I would vote solve the matter by having the Kristan Dominion donate the vessel to "Bob" as a "museum piece" or sunk to make a coral reef, and then the money given to "Bob" so we can have our citizens adopt the crying children for military school.  |
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shoeless
Groombridge Directorate
Posts: 78
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Post by shoeless on Dec 6, 2021 20:28:00 GMT -4
I approve, however you misspelled "Empire of Jank" multiple times.
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